Holy crappin’ crap.   I just cannot get my shit together.

(Case in point – I just said shit on this blog.  That may be a first.  But, y’know what?  I don’t give a shit.)

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Warren Zevon – My Shit’s Fucked Up

I would love to be able to give you an honest, detailed reason for why I’ve all but abandoned this site for the past year.  I would love to post something well thought out and coherent, but  – well, who am I kidding?  I don’t do that on my GOOD days anymore.

So, let’s just have a brutally honest ramble and see where we end up.

Maybe I’ll tell you more than I meant to, and maybe I won’t…but I feel the need to connect and unburden.  Those of you who’ve been wonderfully kind and loyal in coming here over the years deserve an explanation, even if it’s half assed, cryptic and completely out of chronological order.

So, let’s see…random reasons that I’ve been AWOL:

1.  A few months ago out of the clear blue, we moved to another state and bought a house. 

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Scott Miller and The Commonwealth – Amtrak Crescent

Yep, we’ve left the Old Dominion, the Mother of Presidents, The Commonwealth of Virginia, the beautiful place of my birth…and are now residents of the neighboring state of North Carolina, where it’s frequently more hot and humid than the seventh layer of hell, and the mosquitoes appear to have personal vendettas against me.

Job came up quick, hubs took it and less than two months later, we had a new address.  Now, we’re very blessed and our house is AWESOME, but sweet cheeses, that was stressful!  Packing, moving, househunting, closing the deal in a month and a half – ay, carumba. I won’t lie – I really miss my friends and the beach, but there were MAJOR pluses to moving, so we moved.  Still trying to settle in and explore the area, but it’s feeling more and more like home every day.

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CSNY – Our House

Having said that, though..it’s summer, and since we’re new here and haven’t really made friends yet, it’s up to me to keep Liam entertained.  Dude – who could possibly focus enough to write when this kid is going ninety to nothing ALL THE TIME, and talking incessantly?  I am clearly not capable of  keeping up with a six year old dynamo and producing quality blog content while simultaneously unpacking and decorating a house and trying to learn how to grocery shop WITHOUT a Trader Joe’s in a two hour radius.

2.  Lots of family stuff has happened.

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Trouble – Ray Lamontagne

Not to our immediate family unit, but extended family.  We’ve lost some very close and very dear ones.  Another is making the difficult transition into a Seniors community. Regardless of “whose side of the family” things happen, we each feel the others’ pain, y’know?  There has been quite a lot of stress throughout the past year, and much of it has jut sapped my strength and honestly just sucked from me the will to write. I’m so blessed with a wonderful husband.  We really do take turns holding each other up when we need it…although he’s usually the one holding me together.

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Guy Clark – Comfort and Crazy

3.  I haven’t really had anything to say.

No, seriously.  Since I sort of pigeonholed myself in the music realm, I feel guilty if I don’t swing the focus of most posts that direction.  Problem is…lately I’ve sort of lost the music – both literally and figuratively.

Literally in that my beloved laptop died, and naturally I hadn’t backed up in oh, a year maybe?  Yeah.  SO MUCH music gone.  Well, it’s retrievable, but I have yet to get my act together to get the hard drive to the powers that can retrieve it for me.

Figuratively in that I just haven’t had the time or, again, the focus to actually LISTEN to music.  For me, that is huge.  Music truly is calming and grounding for me, but it also ebbs and floes.  I still get twenty or more emails a week from PR folks who have just kept me on their mailing lists, but I haven’t even bothered to open the attached files. The few industry contacts that I really do respect haven’t sent me anything in quite a while, but are friends on my personal Facebook…I’m hoping they’re just watching and waiting for me to get my groove back.

Honestly – I didn’t want to just phone in random playlists or crap content for the sake of posting.  I see so many bloggers who do that because they feel they have to, and it always rings hollow.  I haven’t had anything to say, so I haven’t said anything.  But lately…I’m finding that I do.  And so, I’m going to try again.  I hope it will be worthwhile.  I haven’t let go of any of my other sites, and my once-brilliant ideas have been simmering on the back burner.  Sometimes that’s just how it is with us uber creative (and incredibly modest) types.

4.  And lastly but perhaps the most to blame: I’ve been a little sad.

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Elliott Smith – Tomorrow, Tomorrow

It’s likely no surprise to anyone that I’ve had bouts of depression throughout my life.  I think everyone must, because I have yet to meet anyone for whom life resembles that mythic bowl of cherries.  But, I think for some of us with a particular emotional makeup, and perhaps for those like me who have particular (and now professionally diagnosed)…um…unusual mental wiring,  depression is something that we feel more keenly than others.  Now, I’m talking about the chemically imbalanced, cyclic sort of depression as opposed to the reaction to specific events.  They are two VERY different things, and having one does not in any way diminish the hurt and pain of the other.  Exacerbates, yes, but does not diminish.

Lets’ just say there’s a reason I identify so strongly with Townes Van Zandt and his music.  We have much more in common that I’d ever wanted to let on before.

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Townes Van Zandt – High Low and In Between

I may talk about that some down the road.  It may be cathartic.  We’ll just have to see.  But, I’ve found myself lying awake in bed again, thinking of things I wanted to tell you guys.  I’m hoping we’ve got the kind of relationship that can pick up right where we left off.

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Eric Clapton – Hello Old Friend

Consider this the icebreaker.

Hope y’all have been well -

xoxo,

Ri