Okay, she’s like if you were at an elegant cocktail party, and a waiter presents your choice of h’ors d’oeuvres from a delicately carved silver tray. You daintily choose a tiny toast point topped with a graceful dollop of Beluga Caviar. Popping it into your mouth, you’re all ready to savor the essence of Red Sea Sturgeon, when all at once you realize that what’s on that toast is not fish eggs, but micro-mini chocolate coated Skittles.
Not what you expected, but fucking AWESOME!
Here’s how she describes herself on her site:
I write for Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle but I need an uncensored space to say the f-word and talk about ninjas. If you know me in real life you might not want to be here. I also write a satirical sex column, a horrible advice column and I twitter a lot.
Victor is my husband. Hailey is my 4-year-old. Barnaby Jones Pickles is my pug. Pluto is a planet in spite of what you may have heard.
She’s fearless, yet needs wigs to speak in public. She’s irreverent, but that belies a definite tender and caring heart. She’s a brilliant professional writer in a rambling, stream of consciousness, make up your own grammar kind of way. And you can absolutely, positively count on her to be wildly unpredictable.
She is absolutely THE funniest Blogger I have ever read. She’s the only one to have actually made me laugh hard enough to temporarily lose the ability to speak, wet my pants, cry and snort in an unattractively loud and unladylike manner ALL AT THE SAME TIME. And for her – I will admit that.
So if you’re not easily offended by gratuitous swearing, discussion of dead hobo fingers, Papal consumption of felines, prescription drug scarfing email writing paralegals or stuff like “the time that Magnum PI heard her vomit, or the joys of artificial cow insemination, or why Amy Sedarisis legitimately frightened “of her…then strap on a Depends and go laugh your ass off.
Play some music while you’re there. The player below pops out, y’know. And when you’re done, go buy the songs you loved.
1.) Nina Simone – I Put a Spell on You:
I always listen to this at work too loud and the song right after it on the CD is all “MISSISSIPPI GODDAMN!” Nina Simone is trying to get me fired.
2.) Kate Nash – Foundations
Part 1 in series of songs that I’m a little bit embarrassed that I know all the words to.
3.) Butthole Surfers – Whatever
“more fucked up than your sister’s tackle box”
4.) Dixie Chicks – Everybody Knows
This song always makes me think of the good and bad of blogging your life.
5.) The Sundays – Wild Horses
This song is never loud enough.
6.) REM – NightSwimming
I write best to REM even though I don’t technically love them because I listen to them too much. They are my cigarettes.
7.) Elton John – Tiny Dancer
You know in “Almost Famous” when everyone on the bus sings this song together? I wish my whole life was like that.
8.) Eartha Kitt – I Want to Be Evil
“I want to wake up in the morning with that dark brown taste.”
9.) Kirsty MacColl -In These Shoes
For years I thought this was sung by a drag queen.
10.) Sia Furler – Breathe Me
A thank you to those who listen or need to be heard.