Okay, okay – I know it’s Friday, and I normally have a fiver for you. I apologize, but something infinitely more pressing has just come up to which I must attend:
I’ve decided to have a Mini-Meltdown today.
You know, the kind where you drink eight cups of coffee, forget to eat breakfast and then wonder why you’re so nervous. Then you look around at all the things you’ve neglected in favor of “work” and feel crushing guilt and immense pressure. And you remember that you probably should pay bills before you jet off to NYC next week for the BlogHer ’10 Conference for which you’ve already spent way too much money in preparation. Then you remember that list of “last minute” purchases that you still need to shop for. You attempt to make a schedule for the next two weeks and run out of calendar before you run out of “to dos.” You feel like you’ll never achieve that elusive balance.
One of those days when you question your ability to accomplish a damn thing anymore; where you weigh yourself in any number of imagined and self-delusional scenarios and come up wanting every time. Where you’d absolutely throw yourself a huge pity party except for the fact that you’re certain you don’t deserve even that, (let alone your wonderfully supportive and loving husband and awesome kid.)
And then your son looks at you and says “Mom…play with me.”
I’ll get my shit back together tomorrow. I always do. But today I’m going to feel weak and vulnerable and scared and beaten because to do so is just being honest. And, I’m absolutely not sure why I’m even sharing this with y’all, because it’s liable to absolutely destroy your picture of the devil-may-care, snarky yet easygoing Ri.
She’s still here. There’s just layers. Y’know…like an onion. Or Shrek.
Now, don’t feel obligated to comment. (Wait – write that on the calendar in red. The day I didn’t beg for validation.) Just know that I love you guys enough to show you my weak side. Try not to turn it against me later, k? Cause that would really suck.
(Oh, and of course there’s a playlist. Now, don’t take them all literally – they’re just songs that fit my mood, either in lyric or rhythm or melody. Cause, y’know…everything comes back around to the music…)