Soundtrack for a Mini-Meltdown

Okay, okay – I know it’s Friday, and I normally have a fiver for you.  I apologize, but something infinitely more pressing has just come up to which I must attend:

I’ve decided to have a Mini-Meltdown today.

You know, the kind where you drink eight cups of coffee, forget to eat breakfast and then wonder why you’re so nervous.  Then you look around at all the things you’ve neglected in favor of “work” and feel crushing guilt and immense pressure.  And you remember that you probably should pay bills before you jet off to NYC next week for the BlogHer ’10 Conference for which you’ve already spent way too much money in preparation.  Then you remember that list of “last minute” purchases that you still need to shop for. You attempt to make a schedule for the next two weeks and run out of calendar before you run out of “to dos.”  You feel like you’ll never achieve that elusive balance.

One of those days when you question your ability to accomplish a damn thing anymore; where you weigh yourself in any number of imagined and self-delusional scenarios and come up wanting every time.  Where you’d absolutely throw yourself a huge pity party except for the fact that you’re certain you don’t deserve even that, (let alone your wonderfully supportive and loving husband and awesome kid.)

And then your son looks at you and says “Mom…play with me.”

<cue meltdown>

I’ll get my shit back together tomorrow.  I always do.  But today I’m going to feel weak and vulnerable and scared and beaten because to do so is just being honest.  And, I’m absolutely not sure why I’m even sharing this with y’all, because it’s liable to absolutely destroy your picture of the devil-may-care, snarky yet easygoing Ri.

She’s still here.  There’s just layers.  Y’know…like an onion.  Or Shrek.

Now, don’t feel obligated to comment.  (Wait – write that on the calendar in red.  The day I didn’t beg for validation.) Just know that I love you guys enough to show you my weak side.  Try not to turn it against me later, k? Cause that would really suck.

(Oh, and of course there’s a playlist.  Now, don’t take them all literally – they’re just songs that fit my mood, either in lyric or rhythm or melody. Cause, y’know…everything comes back around to the music…)


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6 Responses to Soundtrack for a Mini-Meltdown
  1. Mari
    July 30, 2010 | 3:40 pm

    You just uncovered what happens in my house every week. As a working at home mom with kids not in daycare because I have control/trust/obligation issues, I try to manage my job with my life with my kids … and usually stumble. Music keeps me going, soothes my soul and prods me to keep going.

    And mad props for “Undun” … that’s my jam, yo.

  2. oh_pook
    July 30, 2010 | 8:50 pm

    sorry ’bout the crap day, Ri

    great playlist though… beauty from ashes in my opinion… Thanks for sharing the beauty that is made of awesomesauce with us!

  3. LaMereJoie
    July 30, 2010 | 10:10 pm

    Tomorrow is another day! Hope it’s a better one for ya! I am impressed that you even had time to post! Some days that’s all you can ask for! Feel good and see you next week!
    LaMereJoie´s last blog post ..Letting Go

  4. Melisa with one S
    July 31, 2010 | 12:09 am

    Must be in the air: I’m right there with ya today!

    I hope we both have a better day tomorrow! :)
    Melisa with one S´s last blog post ..Hitting A Wall Really Hurts

  5. mari
    July 31, 2010 | 12:19 pm

    Ri, I hope that Saturday has dawned on a happy day for you! :)

  6. kath
    August 8, 2010 | 12:02 pm

    so glad i stumbled over here from singlemomsurvives. music was always a part of my life but since having my kid (and he is 9) it isn’t at the forefront. but i want to put right back there. and now i am inspired. thanks!

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